Dracula just went round giving hickey's

When I was really young back in the days of no internet and when a gay man was just a man with a smile, I remember the old fashioned holiday. The British seaside resort. So I decided to treat the gorgeous lady in my life to a weekend of one for her birthday near Scarborough, at Scalby. We stayed at the Wrea Country House Hotel, a beautiful building with great views of the country side. A long walk on the Cinder Path to the seaside meant we could have a jug of Pimms overlooking the sea, where the rows of coloured beach huts were packed with people enjoying the seagull shit.

Another gem of a place is Robin Hoods Bay, a pretty little hilly fishing town, with a maze of tiny streets and cute old houses. We found a great place for a future stay overlooking the bay.

We couldn't resist a visit to Whitby too. We would've walked from Scarborough to Whitby on the Cinder Path, an old railway line, but I think 23 miles without stopping at a pub is not right. So in the car parked near the Abby we walked in and around with all the other thousands of grannies and fish and chip munchers. We too had to have fish and chips, it just has to be done. We also made sure we took a look at the real whale bones structure, it's jaw dropping. I'm still not sure Dracula really visited Whitby but the Abby must look pretty spooky at night and I wouldn't like to be kissed on the neck there.

So follow in our footsteps, I recommend these places. Pack a picnic, Pimms, a vest, a knotted hankie and inflatable stripey deck chair.

Make full use of your pole

At last I got to see the beautiful lady in my life do her thing on the water. It was great to go out in the speed boat to the north and south piers of the Tyne and watch her race for the Tynemouth Rowing Club Regatta. I was so close while she raced that I could see her big cheeks. They were puffing away with every stroke. The puffing payed off as she won her race, what a star. Even the planes from the Sunderland Air Show were in on the celebrations.

A BBQ and a bit of drinking followed of course. Oh and a spot of limbo. What a weird thing that is and pretty funny to see one girl tell us she was really good only to fall flat on her face, head in the sand and looking like a turkey twizzler. So the idea is to bend as far backwards as you can to go under a pole. A bit like the lengths some stag do's would go to on a night out in Poland.

Ride again

I looked at the title of my last blog saying that men will ride anything. The notion continues as this is a group of men riding the largest skateboard in the world. How on earth do you get your foot on the floor or more importantly how do you stop? Imagine this thing coming towards you in the park with 7 men screaming at you and one at the back sunbathing.

Men will ride anything...

The streets of Tynemouth were packed with people for the annual Mouth of the Tyne Festival this weekend. It's the sixth year and this time we got to experience the whole event with a few mad acts through the day (including a fella riding a 10 foot unicycle). On the Saturday night we were at the unbelievable setting inside the Priory on the headland with an open air concert with James Morrison. We're not really fans of his but the fact that the location is so scenic with views of the coastline and he owns a large chain of supermarkets made the whole night a bit more special. You can just make him out in this photo on the left.

The following day used the same location for a number of bands, then a performance from the Lightning Seeds. They were not that strong but for free you can't complain. By then a few more beers, with the beautiful ladies around me along with a picnic made it all worthwhile. As it was world cup final time a few minutes after the final song, you can't help wondering whether they would've performed 'Three Lions' if England had been anywhere further in the tournament. No chnace.

Just before watching the final in the pub we experienced some camp Latino dancing on the beach. At one point a bit perverted as one of the male dancers rode a donkey. A sort of Latino Bernie Clifton dressed in a Hi-De-Hi outfit.

The cow drank my beer

Wagyu might sound like a term to describe you've bagged a footballers wife but it's infact a breed of cattle fed on beer. Very informative Ian you might say now get lost, but the reason I mention this is it's not often seen on a menu in the North East. Normally you'd pay hundreds of pounds to have a wagyu filltet of beef but The Silk Room in Newcastle does a Wagyu burger for £19. It's worth a try, I had one, the flavour was delicious and the beef just melted and broke away in my mouth. Even better though, it's not shipped in from its native Japan as there's a farmer in Northumberland, Otterburn supplying and specialising in this now. I think the burger I had was a lot better than the one I won the competition with last year but mine costs about 80 pence to make.

Rhubarb Rhubarb Rhubard off

Imagine being drunk all the time. As well as loving everyone like family you might get to see the world like Roobarb and Custard did or their makers in the brilliant cartoon show from the 70's. What genius dreamt this up I often wonder? Get a few splodges of paint on some paper which just about resemble some characters, sink a few beers and try and hold the paper up in front of the camera to somehow make a story. It just wouldn't wash these days unless you had an over sized bag of popcorn, a pair of ridiculous 3D glasses that make you look like Elton John crossed with Reg Holdsworth and a Channel 4 breakdown about the program you've been watching after every advert.

I ramble on like this as I got hold of some home-grown rhubarb which I intend to cook with of course. and it always reminds me of the cartoon. Looking at it, there are so many things it could be used for but I opted for an alien hand gesture followed by another. Like Roobarb, I also like to annoy my neighbours with a polite message on the window sill.
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Who should have a fishy on the little dishy?

I don't think the North East is quite ready for a food festival just yet. It's the second year of the EAT Festival and we visited the various events in Newcastle at the weekend. It included food stalls with various over priced items, a dedicated row of stalls selling the food-of-the-moment-cup-cakes, some possessed woman on stilts pushing a hostess trolley and a man in a tomato outfit laughing at her. The most bizarre event was the one where fresh fish is delivered by boat onto the quayside, seeing them fillet it and the local chef's take it away and cook it. We actually found out that the fish is delivered by van and then carried in fish boxes by hand. I can't even be bothered to do any fish jokes, but I wasn't a happy sole.

Despite the let-downs, we still enjoyed the festival which is running for a number of weeks now. The best bit was seeing the sheer panic and sickened look from the men who tried some of the hottest chilli paste at the Chilli and Beer Festival.