Bitterly...c...OLD

Good to see the snow back apart from the chaos it appears to cause in our country. I thought I wouldn't let it stop me though so I went for my weekend run in 4 inches of snow and I forgot how good it feels to step in and out of fresh snow and avoid the yellow patches. I got a few funny looks but the jaw was opened the widest from the old lady struggling through the snow with a walking frame. She thought I was mental, but what about her? Surely that's just as mental - going out at the age of 80 with a walking frame with dodgy wheels navigating through snow and ice. Oooh, the eldery of today...

Council find the cause of pot holes trying to hide under blanket

Some people act older than they are. Take my old friend in this photo for example (it's not Eddie Izzard or William Shatner), he loves to wrap up like an old woman with a blanket and a puffy. He once fell down the stairs in his underpants you know. Anyway it was good to see him and his woman visiting from his foreign land, even if he was ill and couldn't make the previous night out, he made an effort to eat every bit of my lush food the following day (including home made fishcakes, his plate pictured here ready to cook).

Let's hope he hasn't put on weight or his parachute won't fit and the council will have to have a word...

New Year, same old

Thank god it is over, Christmas just makes your fingers automatically dip into sweet tins, nuts, chocolates, cheese, turkey and all the rest. Hope you all had a good time while eating yourself to death. We did (had a good time that is), we managed to get home in one piece after spending new year near Penrith at a farmhouse. There was a lot of snow, a New Years Eve bonfire and loads of food (again) and drink.

In the new year, I've now got to listen to people (as I do every year) telling me they're joining a gym, go for a month then continue to pay £50 monthly for not going for a half the year. If you're one of those people, don't bother talking to me...

Also, the word 'treacherous'. Look, we never use this word normally so why do we insist on using it to describe the weather when it snows?

What a fat christmas pudding

The man night out is of course always a special one. Over the years at Christmas it has turned into a much more civilised event where we dress like a clapped out version of Take That and go for a posh curry. That said we did have a great night at Spiced Cube in Newcastle. The food could've been better but we still made it a good night out with plenty of old stories and constant micky takes (one including the fact that I blog things like this!) Mark who is pictured here was the only one to opt for a dessert which didn't surprise me as his face lit up when he heard the word chocolate fudge cake. He ate the lot and got none on his Mark Owen shirt or his Christmas-bauble-like-head. Like a child he couldn't drink his Cobra but could manage a great fat pudding. Merry Xmas to you all and those millions of blog readers, enjoy the festivities.

Camping night out

Another comedian at the Live Theatre tempted us to go on a little Christmas night out at the Live Theatre again, battling the blizzards and minus temperatures. We were thoroughly entertained by Jon Richardson who looks like Gino D'Acampo's brother (not that I've met his brother). He presents comedy shows on BBC Radio 6, has supported Alan Carr and been on Have I Got News For You. We had a table right at the front of the stage but he was probably frightened to pick on us, so instead chose a few others in the audience.

The first half was more of a funny chat and it turned out that the whole audience thought he was camp. But what would you do if he asked you to cheer if you think he's camp? Even if he was butch, had a bull terrier on a lead and a huge tattoo on his forehead you would cheer. Actually come to think of it, that sounds camp anyway. Jesus, I don't know what camp is anymore, I've even just cocked my leg as I said that, cheer if you think I'm camp. No wonder he looks like Gino D'ACAMPO.

The second half was funnier again as he did a set he won an award for in Edinburgh. He talks about his life as a single man, his weird thoughts and observations. One included an old couple on a train who were forced to sit apart from each other. After a while Jon couldn't help noticing that the man reached across to his wife, and slapped her head very hard, then nonchalantly carried on reading. He reckons that if you can still play games like that and laugh about it, you've got is sussed. So I'm off to slap the girlfriend...

Soooooth Shields Joe to win

Being born in South Shields, growing up there and visiting family once a week I feel it is my duty to support the X-Factor finalist Joe McElderry. My mother reckons he's great and shares the same hair dresser with his grandmother - what a brilliant claim to fame. His grandmother (who's just changed her name to 'Vote Joe' - eh!) must've been getting her hair done quite a lot because she's been back and forwards down to London. They missed the plane last week and had to get a taxi there. Wonder if Simon Cowell paid for that, he's not got much money so hope he's not struggling in his monopolisation and world domination of everything that has a pulse.

It's a massive show, brilliant for the area and the boy is a good singer. It's such a shame and annoying when the X-Factor video excerpts show old sofa's in back yards when the cameras come to South Shields. They really know how to paint the wrong picture. Anyway, good luck to Joe. Even Elvis is backing him. I got tickets for the live event in South Shields on Sunday but gave them to my niece, what a great uncle.

In the market for a sausage

Sometimes, a man just can't resist walking past a german food stall and admiring the size of the sausage. I admired it so much, I just had to have a Super Bratwurst sausage from the Christmas Market in Manchester. They are rather long and stick out of the small buns they put them in. Mine managed to find its way out of the bun and onto my jacket during eating, much to the surprise of those around me. It felt like my fly was open.