Quelle surprise

My birthday celebrations continued on. After a champagne surprise, I also had another to look forward to. A hot stone massage. I lay there for an hour while a pro (cough) massaged my back and legs with oils and volcanic rocks which were heated. What an amazing feeling, I was so relaxed you could've tickled my feet while I looked you in the eye. This is how everyone should fall asleep. So I'm putting my girlfriend on a teaching course; then I can have one of these on demand.

My name is Michael CAINES...

Well it's coming soon, a special birthday for me, I turn the age when your spine probably starts shrinking. To start the celebrations, we went off to Glasgow for the weekend as we've never been. It's a great City and men do wear kilts and the Scottish breakfasts are a carb explosion. We had a very special night at Michael Caines' restaurant Abode. Don't mix him up with the cockney actor though, he's a 2 star Michelin chef - what a show off. What an amazing meal we had, including Scottish salmon confit, venison and a raspberry and chocolate tart. The lady in my life had crab tortellini, halibut and a banana souffle. How posh we are.

Watch the birdie

There's nothing quite like having a portion of chips from a good chip shop and eating them at the seaside. I'm lucky enough to have this on my doorstep and it's great to give yourself a treat once in a while. I reckon it's far too cold this time of year for the seagulls to hover over you and pinch a chip so go and test this out if you live on the coast. It'll not be long before they start protecting their young and swooping down on me as I go for a run. I once turned round as a seagull was coming towards me, put my arms out wide making a feeble 'raaaah' sound. It did nothing, I'm sure the bird gave me a condescending look. The family across the road shook their heads.