Manly burger

Hey I've got one of my burgers on the Sainsbury's web site. I could win a prize. Take a look, it might still be there. I could talk all day about burgers. I've made a few different ones in my time and love to get the BBQ out, along with the pinny and tools that make you feel manly. The one I submitted is made with sun-dried tomatoes and pine nuts, so go and get your hands in that bowl and mould a few shapes. That means you Andy...

Tynemouthing off

Another birthday celebration (the mother) took us to a restaurant in the up and coming area of Tynemouth, my home town. It used to be the renowned AA rosette winning Sydney's, it's been re-invented now and called Brasserie 1883 (that's some bra size). The chef is the award winning Alan O'Kane, who appears to be back in the kitchen cooking excellent food. If the food we had is anything to go by, the awards might be coming their way again. A duck pate and a pork belly, that was my food choice, not my physique. Great tasting food. That's the manager in that photo, not me with a different head on.

There's also a newly managed pub (used to be called The Percy Arms) and eating place called The Priory which is definitely worth a visit. It's got a modern feel and makes you want to take your shoes off and put your feet up. We called in for late drinks and there was live music on. The girl singing playing keyboards, backed by a guitarist had a pure voice and did some unusual twists on some popular songs. I nearly swung my pants on 2 occasions. A good atmosphere but I suppose after a few beers it always seems that way.

Count 40 rings on his forehead if you don't believe me

I have some friends (real ones, not those on facebook), some have just got to the mid-life crisis age of 40 where they think they can still wear muscle vests in the summer. He's pictured here to the right of Harry Potter, looks like a cross between the camp singer from Right Said Fred and a fat Phil Collins. He's holding some money (his favourite subject), as we've all just give him some to get a hair transplant and a personality assessment. We celebrated his 40th at Red Mezze, a turkish restaurant in Newcastle. There's all sorts of small little plates of food you can have, ideal for the birthday boy as he's only 4 foot 2. I had vine leaves, meatballs and the hard-to-refuse pudding, baklava. It was a great night, the lightweight 40 year old even managed a teeny sip of ouzo at the end of the night. He was off to a surprise break in Barcelona the next morning with his woman. The spanish will love him prancing around in his vests eating tapas. I hear they call him "CALVA"....

It's not just camels that have humps

Cow’s are such show offs. All I did was point my camera to take a nice pleasant picture of the curious cows as I went over to their field. But what happened? Well the exhibitionist cow looked me in the eye then mounted the other one right in front of me. It felt like it did when someone reminds you that your parents still do stuff in the bedroom. It was as if the cow was laughing while doing it, with its condescending eyes. I had to walk away in the end, frightened to turn round incase it winked at me (I've spell checked that).


It was good to get a away for the weekend despite the p0rn cows. We stayed at a big farmhouse near the Lake District. There's an outdoor pool 3 mile along the road in a place called Shap. I didn't go in as my posing trunks were left at home and I didn't want to alarm the animals (even though they had alarmed me as I've said). The girlfriend went in though until she couldn't take any more and had to attend to her frozen assets. On the Saturday night, I did the manly thing and cooked on the BBQ. This time it was my turn to wink at those cows as I flipped the meat.

2 Cocktails and a Packet of Crisps

I took the beautiful girlfriend out on Saturday night, not with a baseball bat, but for her young birthday (Happy Birthday - I know you read this religiously). We went off early doors to Nancy Bordello's in Newcastle, sounds like a very camp drag queen act, but it is infact a trendy pub place with modern Victorian decor. Popular with students but they’re all on daddy’s yacht at this time of year so we had lots of space for us tax payers.

A couple of cocktails and a packet of munster munch later we started to head off towards The Grainger Rooms. It's a modern british restaurant that gives you the feeling of being in a house, infact a Georgian house, which it was, so that figures. Sampling the food from local producers was superb; battered whiting with pickled cucumber dip, poached chicken with summer veg and local cheeses for me. For the birthday girl, roe deer, pork with braised carrot and fennel and summer fruit crumble. The chef did a pretty good job working on his own as his staff let him down, doing 43 covers. Pretty impressive for the quality of the food, but not one mention of munster munch crisp sandwich on the menu.