Frankie says...I would quite happily punch everyone in the face

You just have to laugh at Frankie Boyle (the funnier one from BBC2's Mock the Week) and his live tour called 'I would quite happily punch everyone in the face'. He's no relation to Susan Boyle although he has said that there is some resemblance as he looks ridiculous dressed as a woman too. We went to see him at the City Hall on Friday and he was a star act. He's been in the news quite a lot recently for his controversial jokes. Jokes that no one batted an eye-lid at many years ago. I must admit, he was definitely close to the knuckle on some of his jokes but still overall a very funny man with some topical material. He's the first act we've seen who didn't do an encore, perhaps he's just really pi**ed off with people, I mean if you name your tour like that you must be. Anyway, it's all an act, they are just jokes to make you laugh, wince, think and take a sharp intake of breath.

Those who are 'offended' (whatever that emotion really is) should either stay away, or start an "I am offended at everything around me" group on Facebook. Then the same people can join another group called "I am further offended by the 'I am offended at everything around me' group on Facebook". Then they can all be grouped under the generic group called 'I have nothing to do in life but be a do-gooder'.

Down the club

Haven't posted for a while as there's been some technical changes in the process I use for hosting my blog within my site. Now this has been sorted I'm back just like the Take That boys.

Crazy golf really isn't that crazy is it? Stick a few dinasours for scenery, a water feature, pebbles, stones and small children in the way of the hole and you've got yourself a crazy golf course. It still raises a few laughs though, some people take it really serious. Not me. Anyway, I went along with my caddy, golfing pantaloons and my score board and took part in a foursome! It took me back to the time I was about 9 years old, with friends on holiday. My young friend was sizing up the ball with her club, swung it forcefully back and whacked her dad right on the nose. It must've been agony, lots of blood. Oh, and Bogeys all round.

Birds, kebabs, curries...not just a night out itinery

Too many celebrations in one weekend can make you either want more or a nice lie down. A night out in South Shields was pretty hilarious seeing the same old haggard faces from many years ago who must religiously go out every Friday. They even wear the same clothes and drink the same drinks. It brought a smirk to my face when I walked past a take-away named 'Abra-Kebabra'. No guesses what they sell. The next night we went to the posher side of South Shields where the haggard faces are more nip & tuck ones, a quieter pub in Cleadon.

Now as I recently had a night out in South Shields, you'd think that I would have seen most weird birds, but at a BBQ near the beach on sunny Sunday, I snapped this one. I guess it is some sort of burlesque seagull with feathered ugg boots. Great for cleaning your blinds.

Later on we met up with friends for birthday and engagement celebrations at Tiger Tiger and Spice Cube for poppadom's and curry. As always was good to catch up and see what pointless banter is left for us to talk about. It appears there's an awful lot left.

Congratulations to Andy & H, a love match doesn't just happen in tennis, but new balls you will always need mate.

6.2 miles of fun

I cannot believe that it's a year since doing the 10K North Tyneside coastal run. It was full-on sunshine last year. This year, we had sunshine again, and no wind apart from that which came from a heavy night out the day before. It's scenic all the way and once you turn the corner to see St. Mary's Lighthouse it doesn't seem too far until the finish. I managed 56 minutes this time, a minute ahead of last year. That tells me I'm getting better or my watch is feeling as old as I did after a couple of mile. It was hard going even though I do that sort of distance every week! Seeing the girlfriend's smiling face and the thought of a whopping great Easter egg makes it all worthwhile though.

That's me with the halo in the photo behind a young Rob Brydon.

Some people can sleep on a washing line

Forget Sport Relief, this fella is 3000 metres up above Germany's highest mountain on a rope can you believe. He walked along it for 995 metres to break a world record for charity. What happened to good old fashioned sitting in a tin bath of beans in your speedos, or having your armpits waxed, or running naked to each of your neighbours and asking them for a cup of sugar? These sort of people are just show offs. I wonder if you asked him the time he would look at his wrist? Or ask him to check if he has deodorant on.

King of the Castle

I can't remember the last time I was in Otterburn, maybe when I was a kid with the school, but at the weekend we stayed there at the Tower Castle Hotel. The lady in my life had decided to surprise me for my birthday, isn't she good? She chose well as it's got awards for its food and as you may know I like a bit of food and to whittle on about it on this web site from time to time. In between the lush food which is all supplied by its farm and local suppliers, we managed a game of darts and some hill walks which helped to soften the belly.

The best walk was in the Cheviot's where the contrast between pure blue sky, green grass and thick snow was at times spectacular. It was fun to step into knee deep snow and try and work out where to go without seeing tracks and paths. That's why we got a bit lost and managed to take a longer route making it 7 miles instead of 5. I still feel full of those Northumbrian breakfasts so could do with another long walk, or maybe a game of darts again. That's what you do when you're this age...

Pushing the love boat out...

So, did you lovers out there treat your women good at the love weekend? Like they say to kids, "Everyday is Christmas for kids". It's the same in my house, the girlfriend might be younger than me but I don't say that to her, but I do say, "Everyday is like Valentine's Day". It still didn't stop me pushing the love boat out (euphemism not intended) with a Saturday night special menu presented to her on the day and prepared and cooked by yours truly.

Keeping it local, we had home-made craster kipper pate with herbed toast. To add to our kipper breath, for mains, it was fillet of beef on a crouton topped with a portobello mushroom and marsala sauce, sauted pototoes and creamed spinach. Both a mouthful to say and eat, but it went down pretty well. Now to make sure you get full brownie points, give the girl a homemade Lindt and almond chocolate fondant and top it with homemade honey ice-cream. You know you've got the fondant right when it oozes gooey chocolate when you delve into it. This picture proves the moment, although it does look a little like something left on the beach on a Sunday morning....

Forget flowers, forget chocolates, deliver these goods. She was wowed, star struck I reckon but well deserved. Happy Valentine to my beautiful girlfriend and to you and all who sail in you.